Rationalize
by FicheCeist
Summary: In college, when Allison first tells Joe what she can see. Oneshot.


Rationalize

"I'm not _crazy_- you have to believe me!" The rain pounded on the windows and she was screaming, crying, clutching at his shoulders- all in a desperate attempt, but he wouldn't even look at her.

"Will you look at me- " She rasped, her voice cracking and her eyes blinded with tears, as the windows were choked with rain.

Finally, she stumbled away from him. He was motionless, standing, staring away from her, and never saying a word as she ran out the door, into the driving rain.

Of course it had to happen- the only man she loved, trusted enough to tell, would think she was crazy- a goddamn raving lunatic, that's what she was. Love and trust meant nothing, she was only another head case, after all. Worthy only of his pity.

She ran through the rain, rain that the parched city around her was crying for. She cried for only her loss, not gain. Convinced only that all was lost, she fell to her knees at the foot of a statue, the frozen features of some nameless hero.

Huddled at the base, she thought back on what she could never have foreseen, not with all the premonition in the world, never could have seen him turning away like that...

"_Hey, I need to talk to you."_

"_Hold on, this is pretty important..." He chewed on the end of a pencil, never once turning to look at her._

"_More important than me?" She asked, a little smile on her face, but only nervousness in her eyes._

_He swung around, standing and placing the lightest of kisses on her lips. "Never," he murmured, smiling slightly. "Now, what do we have to talk about that's so pressing, hmm? Oh, no-" He placed a hand to his heart, swooning, "Don't tell me- there's another man! No, darling, anything but that! I would simply waste away for want of your glorious presence!" He fell backwards onto his chair, placing a hand to his forehead for dramatic effect._

_"Oh, quiet. I keep telling you, you're wasted in the math department- the theater people are simply pining for an actor of your caliber. Get up, please. This is- well, to me, this is important." She turned away, gripping the backside of a chair so hard that her knuckles were white._

_He stood, his tall frame slightly imposing in the small apartment, a slight tension in the air._

"_What?" He asked, his tone concerned._

"_I've always known, I guess, that I was different. But it became really obvious the year I turned fifteen. I started hearing things- seeing things, things that weren't real, or even alive."_

_She tensed, and he shifted behind her, then stilled._

"_I... I tried to ignore them, but they were too loud. They were dead, and had no concept of what they were doing to me, to the perfect life that I'd had. My grades slipped, I slipped, and eventually there was nothing to pull me up again. But then, for a little while, they stopped. I had... well, to put it bluntly, I'd gotten drunk. Plastered, to the point where I couldn't hear or see anything, let alone things that weren't there."_

_He coughed, desperately trying not see what this was costing her to tell._

"_I spent the rest of my high school years mostly in a drunken haze, until I learned to simply block them out, to try my hardest to never..."_

_She whirled, looking at him, simply staring out the window as the rain lashed down. There were tears glinting on her cheeks, and her shoulders shook with unshed sobs. "And then I met you, and for once I was able to believe that I could lead a normal life, instead of one filled with vision, premonitions, and people that are long dead, people who simply use me to channel a last message from beyond, things that only alcohol was able to erase..."_

_He said nothing._

In the rain, it seemed stupid, looking back on it, to even think that he might have believed her. People she'd known all her life she wouldn't tell, but this man, who she'd known only 2 years and trusted, she'd thought he'd be different-

And then he was there, in front of her, panting and looking like a drowned rat. An adorable rat, to be sure, but a rat she was angry with.

He bent down, lifting her chin and wiping away tears and rainwater with a calloused thumb.

"Look, I'm sorry- I just, I don't- I don't _understand_. I understand numbers, I understand equations, I understand math- but I _don't_ understand what you're saying to me. You tell me you see the dead, and I try to rationalize it against what I do understand, and I come up empty-handed." He stared at her, his eyes pleading.

She stared up in wonder at the man she loved, dripping wet and scraggly.

"You don't have to understand... God knows I don't. You simply have to believe me, trust me, and love me as I love you."

"I understand that," He whispered, and pulled her up from the cold.


End file.
